After patching a bug that broke literally the one thing the app is supposed to do, celebrated craft beer application Craft Check fixed the bug before immediately issuing a completely superfluous press release touting their basic ability to support their app.
“We really wanted to ensure that we issued a press release,” said Craft Check co-creator Barrett Garese, “though I couldn’t quite remember whether co-creator was spelled as a single word or a hyphenation, making writing this sentence twice as hard as it should have been.”
While not even remotely approaching the kind of serious news and think pieces that the craft beer world generally gravitates towards such as “We’re now canning beers in cans that we’ve only previously bottled in bottles” or “One brewmaster doesn’t like what other brewmaster said, tells twitter,” Craft Check’s press release nonetheless spanned nearly a dozen paragraphs before hiding any real information way down at the bottom, far below what any rational human would read.
“I debated for a while whether we should post this to the craftbeer.com website or not,” Garese continued, forgetting whether he was supposed to refer to himself by first or last name, “because I really wondered whether they’d pull my access and/or yell at me. In the end, whether or not you read it there will have answered the question.”
Craft Check has a history of not taking this part of the job particularly seriously, with previous press releases touting their ambitions to “continue the company’s nefarious plans for ruling the world on a scale heretofore unseen by craft beer mobile applications,” or including parody songs set to overexposed Disney movies. This new press release takes their press releases to a new and innovative level, raising or lowering the bar for all of their press releases to come.
The press release then went on to separate single sentences into new paragraphs, seemingly to emphasize information, but really just continuing the superfluous theme.
“Rudy put me in charge of this,” continued Barrett, going for both name reference options just to ensure he got at least one of them right, “because I am literally useless for any of the actual work involved in this app, and I really feel like he may be thinking even that was a mistake right about now.”
Craft Check’s update is probably already on your phone if you have automatic updates enabled, and if you don’t then you really should. For reasons.
Craft Check is available free for iOS and Android at: CraftCheckApp.com/get-craft-check
“Oh,” Barrett added as an afterthought, “we also completely revamped the iOS user interface in preparation for major changes coming to both platforms in the near future,” before declining to elaborate further and abruptly ending the press release.
ABOUT CRAFT CHECK
Craft Check was created by Rudy Jahchan and Barrett Garese, and is the world’s most popular craft beer verification app. First released in 2014, Craft Check has since been featured in Fortune Magazine, NPR, Fast Company, Wired, Parade, and nearly a hundred beer, mobile app, and cool hunting blogs, despite writing idiotic press releases like this one.